It's been awhile since I have last posted to my blog. I am going to be more dedicated to this process this year. I think writing helps me...a form of therapy I suppose. My goal is to write something...anything once a week. That seems reasonable. We'll see how long I can keep it up with 2 boys keeping me busy all the time!
So a new year, a new me? Possibly. I still want to lose weight, get fit and healthy, but maybe I am too focused on my outward appearance when I should be focused within. I think trying to lose weight makes me feel worthy. How so do you say? I've never felt worthy of anything in my life. It starts way back when my parents screwed up my life. They set me on a path of trying to be perfect, so perfect in fact, that I sabotaged that impulse at every turn along the way. Have I forgiven my parents? Absolutely not. That's where I am today. Have I taken responsibility for my actions? Yes. I realize I have abused myself. Eaten myself to where I am, beaten myself up until inside I'm a bloody pulp of myself, accepted and expected less of myself than I should have allowed. I realize I can't blame my parents for my actions as an adult, but I do blame them for my fear of abandonment and for my need to be perfect. I always thought that if I were perfect then my mom would love me and my dad would come back and be in my life. But the quest for perfection proved to be too hard. I became stressed out and started eating to help me feel better by the time I was 7. I would constantly chastise myself. Not just for the overeating, but if I made a B instead of an A in school. If my grades slipped and I wasn't on the honor roll for a semester I thought I would perish. I think this is where the control freak part of me took over. I always needed to be in control of myself and I always have been except where eating is concerned. The one place I desperately yearn to be in control. What does it all mean? It all boils down to forgiveness. I once heard that forgiveness is the key to freedom. Forgiving others who have wronged you will bring peace of mind, body and soul. I don't know how forgiveness will unlock this prison I'm in, but I'm willing to try. So here today...I'm putting this out into the universe hoping I can forgive not only those who have wronged me but I really need to forgive myself for being my worst enemy. I need to forgive (never forget) and move on with my life. I need to start living from this day forward. I have many blessings in my life and I don't want to mess that up. I don't want to lose myself. I have not allowed my being to live authentically and to live the life I was meant to live. All of this because I have held on instead of letting go. Here it is...Tracie...I forgive you for not allowing you to have a life. Mom...I forgive you for not showing me you love me. Dad....I forgive you for leaving me. Ed (step-father)....I forgive you for ripping my mother out of my life. Grandmother Ora...I forgive you for your bad treatment of me just because I was my mother's daughter. If you had showed my mom that you loved her, maybe she would have loved me. I forgive you all. May those of you that have passed, rest in peace. May the rest of you have the knowledge that all is forgiven. The slate wiped clean. I am worth it. My life is worth living.
Inspiration lives here.
I'm trying to find inspiration in any place I can find it these days. They say it takes six months to change a habit. I hope when June rolls around that I have finally conquered my love of eating everything I shouldn't. Not that I have been overly bad these last few weeks, but I haven't been overly great either. I'm still losing weight at a rate of about 1.5 pounds a week. I'm happy because the slower you lose it, the longer you keep it off. I do not want to go through this again when I'm skinny...or um...healthier. I mean the goal is to be healthy, not skinny, right? Who am I kidding...I really want to be skinny!! :) I would love to see what it feels like to not worry about what I wear or how it looks. Plus I could finally shop all those stores that sell cheap, but stylish clothing. So getting back to the inspiration...I know I'm going to hit a wall once I lose 10% of my weight. It has happened before, I suspect it will happen again. I am trying to prepare myself, so hopefully I can break through that barrier and keep losing. I am inspired by my weight loss because I have never been this successful at losing weight and not gaining it back immediately. Eating healthy has been a challenge, but a fun one as I learn to cook new ways and eat new things. I am inspired by all the women on Oprah's show last week that lost 100 pounds or more. Did anyone see this show? Really amazing. I am inspired that I am starting to gain control over my food addiction. I look at food differently now. I constantly as myself...is this really happening? Did I just turn down chocolate and not look back? Did I just pass the potato chip aisle and not break out into a sweat? I never thought I could triumph over temptation, but little by little I'm winning more battles and eventually I'll win the war. I can feel this to be true this time. Not like all the other times. I am motivated to get my life together. Why now I wonder? I think turning 40 has a way of putting things into perspective. At some point, women really do have to start taking care of themselves. I have heard this time and time again, but I never really got it until this year. When we take care of ourselves, we teach our children to take care of themselves. I believe I am more present with my children, family, and friends because I am not tired and worn out all the time. I actually go outside with my kids and play with them instead of sitting and watching. Whoever said that life is a full contact sport is so right. I don't see any other way to play it. I feel I have entire chunks of time missing from my life. Times and places and things I can't remember. In those places is where misery lives. I am inspired that I am getting back my life and banishing misery. Temptation will always be everywhere and I choose not to give in anymore. I simply cannot. For if I do, my life will be wasted. I refuse to waste anymore time getting into the game. I cannot waste time regretting decisions that got me to this weight. I forgive myself and I find inspiration there, too.
So changing gears a little here, but in speaking about temptation, I must tell you about a new find. If anyone reading this lives close to me or in my area you must visit Cherry Berry. It's a self serve frozen yogurt bar. Most of the yogurts are low fat or no fat which naturally means it is a bit higher in sugar, so I'm not advocating eating there everyday, but it's a great treat when you're wanting something sweet and a lot less calories than ice cream. A 4 oz. serving has between 13g and 19g of sugar and is between 80-130 calories depending on which flavor you choose. There's a million toppings to add, which will add calories. Today I got 4.5 oz of triple chocolate and island coconut (half and half) and added low fat granola, strawberries, and blackberries. All of this was only 180 calories and 14g of sugar. Not bad for a sweet treat that's good for you (the yogurt contains probiotics and live cultures). It satisfied my craving and I didn't have to break my calorie bank.
Thanks so much for reading. Wish me luck and inspiration. Please share your stories so that I may be even more inspired. God Bless,
Tracie
So changing gears a little here, but in speaking about temptation, I must tell you about a new find. If anyone reading this lives close to me or in my area you must visit Cherry Berry. It's a self serve frozen yogurt bar. Most of the yogurts are low fat or no fat which naturally means it is a bit higher in sugar, so I'm not advocating eating there everyday, but it's a great treat when you're wanting something sweet and a lot less calories than ice cream. A 4 oz. serving has between 13g and 19g of sugar and is between 80-130 calories depending on which flavor you choose. There's a million toppings to add, which will add calories. Today I got 4.5 oz of triple chocolate and island coconut (half and half) and added low fat granola, strawberries, and blackberries. All of this was only 180 calories and 14g of sugar. Not bad for a sweet treat that's good for you (the yogurt contains probiotics and live cultures). It satisfied my craving and I didn't have to break my calorie bank.
Thanks so much for reading. Wish me luck and inspiration. Please share your stories so that I may be even more inspired. God Bless,
Tracie
The First Quarter has passed---already!
Hello out there. It's been a bit since I have posted because living life can be darn time consuming! :) So the end of March is marking the end of the first quarter of 2011. I have tried many things in the first three months of my weight loss journey. Some are failures (don't even get me started on that coconut water!) and some have worked. First let me update you on my weight loss. I have lost 18 pounds since January 3rd. Most recently I lost 5 pounds in one week. I realize that is too much too fast but I'll tell you how I did it. I challenged myself to a week with no refined sugars. Talk about hard! Evidentally carbohydrates are the only things that we absolutely do not need in our diets in order to survive. So I ate lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and some dairy products like cheese and yogurt. Most of us are addicted to sugar so the fact that I had no crackers, bread, pasta, candy, chocolate, soda, and what ever else is considered a bad carb was a challenge for sure. However, I felt better and looked better than I have in awhile. I honestly could not believe how much energy I had. No more sugar laden afternoon snacks for me! I didn't realize that the sugar I was eating for a burst of energy was actually draining me of energy. Refined sugars spike your blood sugar quickly and then when your blood sugar plummets, the lasting effects are felt for hours making you feel energyless and tired. Doctor Oz says to make a trail mix out of hemp seed, unsweetened coconut flakes, and dark chocolate chips for an afternoon boost that won't make you feel lathargic. I have not tried this and I'm not sure about that hemp seed (does it come from the canabis plant??). Bascially Doctor Oz says the remember the 3's when eating to produce lasting energy through the day. Eat every three hours and when you eat remember to eat a fat, a protein, and a carb (like veggies and fruit...not the the bad ones). These three things combined keep your blood sugar flowing a steady level with no spikes or valleys. I challenge everyone to try to go without refined sugars for a week and see how you feel. I promise you will feel so much better. So then why do I turn around the next week and consume Dr. Pepper and marshmallow filled chocolate eggs way before Easter? I guess the simple answer is I am addicted to sugar. Sugar addiction has to be one of the hardest addictions to overcome. Only because sugar is widely available in a range of products. It's easy for the addict to get a fix and it's legal. But not to worry, I rebounded the following week and got my eating back under control. I haven't had any sugary substances for over a week now and once again I'm feeling better. I went grocery shopping yesterday and I was so proud of myself when I looked into the cart. Lots of veggies, fruit, some meats, some cheese, 1% milk, nuts, whole wheat bread, and skinny cow ice cream sandwiches (hey it could be worse). In the past, I use to spend $300 for a 2 week period on groceries. Cutting out all the processed foods has reduced my grocery bill by $100. So you can eat healthy for cheaper than eating badly. The problem is cutting out the processed foods and refined sugars. I won't lie, it's hard, but I have so much to live for and I don't want to be diagnosed with diabetes that runs through my bloodline. I don't want to miss the opportunity to shape and mold my children and see them become the successful, good people I know they will be. Just recently I have learned that I can change. As difficult as it may be at times all I have to do is look at my children and my husband. I have been wallowing in negativity and what happened in my childhood too long. I have finally made peace with the past and I am finally allowing myself to be happy, to be positive, and to know it's okay if I'm at peace with the past. Eventually we have to learn to let go of whatever haunts us before we destroy ourselves. So with that I want to pass on some information that may be helpful. I ran across a couple of articles that were interesting and I will post the links here for your reading enjoyment. The first one is the Best Superfoods for Weight Loss which includes black beans, strawberries, and oats...yummy! This is a great article. You can find it at www.bit.ly/gm1Mci. The next article is diabetic friendly recipes which proves not all low-carb recipes are tasteless. Some of the recipes include Applesauce Pancakes, Blueberry Muffins, and Veggie Tostadas. All twenty recipes look appetizing to me! Check out these recipes at www.bit.ly/fOYcsQ. Thanks for reading. I will try to post more often! God bless and wish me luck!! :)
Tracie
Tracie
Where has February gone?
Apetite Rampage
Hello there! Well I weighed in on Monday and lost .2 pounds. I wasn't surprised since I went on that eating rampage last week. Nothing I ate left me satisfied and I felt hungry constantly. Hopefully this week I can get off of the eating rollercoaster and back to eating right. Staying in control of my apetite has proven really hard. I keep having these cravings. Maybe because I have cut my sugar intake down by more than half? I haven't had fast food or Dr. Pepper in 30 days and I feel that this a great accomplishment, but do I still crave it? Yes!! Will the need for these horrible sugar and fat filled foods ever leave my system? Or will I be plagued forever? I sure hope not!! Weight loss is not supposed to be about deprivation but more about eating the right combinations of foods to aid in fat burning. However, some days I feel so deprived! Am I alone, here? Snacking in the afternoon is breaking my calorie bank! Plus to make matters worse, I keep hearing food words when people talk. For instance, I have mistaken booklet for chocolate and "take that" for Big Mac. I try not to think about my cravings or I try to do things to curb my cravings without breaking the calorie bank. If anyone has any snack recipes that are low in calories, please share!! One resource I use is www.hungrygirl.com. Lisa Lillien started the website and what she does is take high calorie, fatty snacks and modifies the recipes to make them healthier and lower in calories. If you have some time, peruse the website for some tasty treats, plus she has a list of snacks that you can buy online or in grocery stores that are healthier than most processed snacks out there. There is a newsletter than you can get by email everyday, too!! Let me know what you think!! One of my favorite recipes from the Hungry Girl Cookbook is Bacon and Cheese Bell Pepper Skins. These are faux potato skins, but they are soooo yummy. Please leave me a message if you would like the recipe and I'll be happy to email it to you since I'm not sure if I can post it here because of copyright issues. There is also a recipe in the cookbook for Southwestern Egg Rolls (like you can get at Chili's) and they are unbelievably good!! By using these tips and tricks I hope to be able to make better snacking choices going forward. By the way, have you tried that new popcorn at WalMart. It's called Popcorn, Indiana. There are three varieties of this wonderful kettle corn. Cinnamon, Dark Chocolate Drizzle, and Wasabi. I have not tried the cinnamon or wasabi yet, but I will. The Dark Chocolate Drizzle only has 140 calories per 1.5 cups. It's a nice sweet snack for when the sweet tooth kicks in. I can't wait to try the Wasabi because you can have 2.5 cups for about the same amount of calories. Yummy!! I have one last idea to share with you because I tried it and it worked!! If you must have a sugary snack, eat a couple of small pieces of french bread with a bit of olive oil. You can dip the bread in the oil, but I put the oil on my bread and then bake it in the oven at 350 degrees for about 5 minutes. Eat the bread, then the sugary snack. The bread and olive oil slows your stomach digestion so your blood sugar stays level instead of rising to fast and then crashing which will drain you of your energy. I did this before eating some chocolate I desperately needed (okay...wanted) and I didn't feel that horrible crash that normally happens making me want to sleep all afternoon. Alright, thanks for listening to my rant and my ideas for happy, healthy snacking. I feel better now and ready to take charge of my appetite!! Wish me luck!!
Tracie
Tracie
Happy Chinese New Year!!
One month down--Eleven to go
Well January has come and is now gone. The good news is that I have lost a total of 8 pounds this month and I am looking forward to February. February poses some hurdles for me though. Two wonderful days occur during this month. The Chocolate Holiday (Valentine's Day) and my anniversary (Feb. 18). I am going to request anything but chocolate for Valentine's Day and when Dave (my husband) doesn't buy me any I will be sad and will probably forget that I forbid him to buy it. However, now that I am not eating a lot of fatty foods, my skin is getting so much clearer. So there are worse things than having no chocolate. :) I had a goal to lose 8 pounds and I did it!! I did it by just calorie counting and watching portions. Sounds grueling, doesn't it? Well, it wasn't so bad. What I learned this past month is that moderation really is the key. You can have foods you love, but just not a lot of it. For instance, I have been eating chocolate but only dark chocolate (70% or more cocoa). I have been eating Dove dark chocolate and I only eat two pieces every other day. Two pieces is only 84 calories. It helps with the cravings for sweets and doesn't bust my calorie bank. Okay, I have to go off topic here for one minute...I just saw this segment on Dr. Oz about brownies that are only 88 calories per serving and very little fat and sugar. Did anyone else see Rocco DiSpirito make these brownies? The recipe is on www.doctoroz.com if anyone is interested. I will make them and report back to you. Anyway they are made with black beans, cocoa powder, espresso powder, whole wheat pastry flour, and a bit of sugar. Sounds funky, huh? But if I can have a 88 calorie brownie...I'll try it!! Okay that was my Dr. Oz plug of the day ( I love Dr. Oz). Back to moderation....so I do occaisionally still eat things I love, but that are bad for me. For instance I had Frito Pie and Olive Garden on Friday, which was my free day. I allow myself one day a week without counting calories (my anniversary will be one of those days because I really want to go to that Bonefish Grill), but I don't go crazy. I still eat small portions, but I feel like I am in control of the food instead of the food controlling me. However, today I feel like the food is controlling me. I have been starving all day. I think it's the weather. I have eaten like normal, but for some reason want to snack. So I had some pistachios (85 calories) and some salad greens with a tsp of sunflower seeds and a bit of light ranch dressing (a total of 114 calories). Just a 200 calorie snack, but I feel satisfied without the need to reach for more. Plus I drank a lot of water. Water helps tremendously, but I still have days where I feel hungry all day. I just don't succumb to the pressure. I find something to occupy my mind and keep me busy and that helps a lot too. So this month I will continue on my current eating plan and work in more exercise. I am still doing abs every day and every day I still cramp like mad, but if I ever do get in shape I will remember the pain and never go back to being out of shape, rest assured. February will be all about getting an exercise routine together. Any suggestions anyone? I am going to use that aerobic stepper even if I can't walk for days afterward!! :) Well, pray for me and wish me luck!!
Tracie
Tracie
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